The Taste of Ink
by cherrydust
Summary: Sanzo and Hakkai struggle to make sense of their relationship. / "Sanzo I love you with everything I have, I want to you to say *yes*, you love me too!"


AN I:  Read, enjoy, review and head over to the http://groups.yahoo.com/sanzoxhakkai for whom this fic was written for. ^_^ 

AN II:  Saiyuk, characters and all other related item belong, not to me, but to Minekura Kazuya who deserves a cookie for creating them.  *hearts* Saiyuki.  ^^  And the song ["The Taste of Ink"] belongs to The Used.  I've deleted some snippets of lyrics for length and relativity to the fic purposes, full lyrics can be found here: http://www.azlyrics.com  Also:  if you've heard the song, disregard the tune.  The tune definitely does not suit the mood. ^^;;  

_Italics_ portray lyrics and // … // portray thoughts.

All that said and done, you may [finally] proceed to the fic!  Enjoy!

**The Taste of Ink**

_Is it worth it can you even hear me_

            "Sanzo…I love you."  Hakkai's voice is soft, gentle in the darkness, his touch warm and tender as he caresses Sanzo's shoulder soothingly.

            Sanzo is stiff beneath Hakkai's touch, refusing to give even a bit as Hakkai's hand slowly ghosts across his shoulder, his arm, his back in a never-ending, untiring loving caress.  Hakkai loves Sanzo, this he knows without the words ever being spoken.  The words put to lips only strengthen the knowledge that already lies between the two lovers.  And Sanzo knows, as surely as he knows Hakkai loves him, Hakkai wishes to hear the words spoken back.

            "Get off," Sanzo responds with gruffly, yanking his arm away from Hakkai's hand and rolls as far away from the other man as he can without completely falling off the bed, selfishly jerking the bed linens around his nude form.  He lays quietly, his heart pounding as he prays Hakkai will understand.

            And he does.  Hakkai always understands.  Hakkai sighs and stands slowly, pausing for a moment and hovering over Sanzo in his bed, staring down at Sanzo with that surprising vulnerable look that is always present without his monocle to prevent the awkward squint.  Hakkai tilts his head and squints at Sanzo, his expression sad.  And Sanzo's violet eyes shy away from emerald, and instead, travel over Hakkai's body, illuminated in the dull moonlight spilling through the uncovered window and over Hakkai's slim, and yet strong, shoulders.  And Sanzo drinks in the beauty that is his to touch and taste and kiss and fondle and even love…a little.

            There's a long moment of silence in which Hakkai waits patiently for Sanzo to reconsider his brusque reproach and Sanzo waits as impatient as Hakkai is patient for the brunette to leave.  Hakkai's form wilts slightly as the time for reconciliation passes and without another word, bends to gather his clothing to himself, yanking on a pair of pants roughly and leaves Sanzo's bedside in short, terse strides that suggest without words how upset he is.

            And as Sanzo rolls over to sigh loudly and bury his face in his pillow, tears pool in emerald eyes as a fumbling hand slams eyewear back onto a distraught face and Hakkai wonders if Sanzo is really worth the love and effort he exerts for their relationship and if Sanzo is ever really listening when Hakkai says, I love you Sanzo.

_Standing with your spotlight on me_

_Not enough to feed the hungry_

            "Sanzo.  Hey, hey Sanzo!"  Sanzo stops in his movement and curses quietly to himself before turning to face the boy that tugs insolently on his robes, and turns his round face up petulantly at Sanzo.  He beams up at the monk, delighted in the fact that Sanzo will stop for him.  Sanzo is disgusted and annoyed for reasons even he himself does not understand, and rather than trying to decipher the truth behind his emotions, he hits the boy with his now-infamous paper fan.  Goku cringes and clenches his hands over his head, yelling out for Sanzo to please, stop, Sanzo's hurting him, stop it, please!

            But Sanzo is angry, and he can't stop hitting the boy, and he yells at Goku, yells terrible things he can't remember ever thinking before and things that he's never said before, not even in his worse moments of anger.  And Goku is screaming now, not sure if he's hurt or only bewildered at this abusive treatment, and is screaming Sanzo to please, please, please, goddamn it PLEASE, stop hitting him.  There is red before Sanzo's eyes now and he closes them, shaking his head to clear the fog that envelops him even as he brings down his hand one last time…

            …Only to be stopped by a firm hand.  A hand he's felt many times before, always gentle but with that underlying suggestion of strength that both frightens and arouses the most primal emotions in Sanzo.  And now, for the first time, that strength is turned against him and Sanzo seethes through his teeth as his wrist is violently jerked away from Goku and the fan snapped out of his hand before being thrust back at him.  Sanzo shakes his hand, resisting the urge to cradle it to his body and blinks rapidly before sending a livid glare around the area, looking furiously for the culprit.

            Goku has backed away from him, large golden orbs staring at him with hurt, shock, and above all the look one has one's greatest idol, mentor, inspiration suddenly loses all one's respect and becomes as low as the dirt upon which Goku now stands, rubbing his head gently and whimpering softly to himself as he rocks back and forth.  Gojyo is looking disgustedly at Sanzo, his shock and repulsion at Sanzo's violence evident as he lets his cigarette fall from his lips and crushes it into the dirt with the toe of his boot.  And Hakkai…Hakkai is holding Sanzo's fan, his face pale and his body trembling slightly as he pulls his lips tightly together and wordlessly lifts Sanzo's paper fan up high and then drops it to the ground.

            Sanzo watches it fall and hit the ground, sending up a cloud of dust before he darts his eyes back up again to meet Hakkai's.  Hakkai is perceptibly struggling for control over his emotions, the cords of his neck pulling tight and his mouth opening several times before he finally manages to grasps what he wishes to say.  "We," he begins, quietly and lucidly, "still have a long journey ahead of us.  A *very* long journey.  It would be for the best, I think, if we refrain from further altercations and do our best to keep on friendly terms with one another."  There was a pause and violet eyes bore into Hakkai's, screaming mentally at him that what in the hell does Hakkai think he is *doing*!  *Sanzo* is the leader on this god-forsaken expedition, damn it!  Hakkai registers Sanzo's anger and smiling at the other three men, he says placidly, "What do you think Sanzo-sama?"

            Now Goku and Gojyo are staring at him as well.  And Sanzo feels the anger that is boiling and churning deep within him grow.  He can't explain the feelings he is being rendered with, all he knows is that Hakkai has some how turned the tables on him and is making Sanzo seem like the one needing discipline and how Hakkai has somehow usurped the position of leader from him and that he feels helpless and that he doesn't know what to do and it isn't a feeling he likes and…  Sanzo gives a defeated sigh and says disdainfully, "Do what you like, Hakkai."

            And Hakkai smiles and nods slightly before walking away.  Gojyo catches up to him and rest his hand on Hakkai's shoulder, leaning his head close to Hakkai's as he says something too low for Sanzo to catch.  Hakkai smiles and Sanzo feels the stirring of jealousy in his heart as Gojyo grins back and gives Hakkai companionable clap on the shoulder before retreating and wandering off in a different direction.  Goku sniffles loudly and drags the back of his hand across his eyes and gives Sanzo a wounded look, before trotting off and falling in step with Hakkai.  Hakkai pauses and kneels so he's eye level with the other boy and says something that Goku nods at and rubs anxiously at his eyes.  Hakkai smiles and ruffles the boy's hair, says something else that makes Goku smile before starting off in the direction of the inn again.  Already, Sanzo knows there will be no traveling today.  And then, he catches the slightly confused, hurt look of Goku.

            And Sanzo feels a bitter pleasure in the fact that no matter how skillfully Hakkai is at turning his mind and heart upside down, Hakkai will never be able to fulfill the insatiable hunger in Goku, the hunger that comes from the heart rather than the stomach.

_I'm tired and I felt it for a while now_

_In this sea of lonely_

            Hakkai sighs as he sinks into his bed and runs a hand over his face and through his hair.  His body and mind aches with the turmoil of today's events and he wishes desperately he could sleep as Goku does in the next room – deeply, dreamlessly, and effortlessly.  But he is not Goku and he twists and turns back and forth in his bed, his bed sheets flying every which way and his pillow slipping to the floor.

            Hakkai lies still for a moment, the bed sheets kicked to the foot of the bed and his pillow lying on the floor besides the bed.  After a long moment, he takes in a deep breath of air and stands up, pulling his bed linen to rights and lifts the pillow off the floor, setting it on the bed with a loud thump.  He's hot.  Hakkai wipes at his face with his sleeve and crosses the room to open the window.  For a long moment, Hakkai stares up at the night sky, his eyes closed as he aches at the beauty of the stars and the cool air swooping in and setting his skin tingling.

            When Hakkai returns to his bed, he gives a loud gasp as he finds another body there, a firm hand reaching out to silence his surprise and a pair of violet eyes flashing as a familiar voice says soothingly, "Hush.  It's only me, Hakkai.  It's only me."

            Hakkai's own eyes glow above the barrier of a slim pale hand and he gently pushes away Sanzo's hand.  "What do you want?" he asks, his voice a hushed whisper.

            Sanzo leans forward so that when he speaks, his lips brush against Hakkai's.  "You," Sanzo replies and his voice is hardly more than a breath of air against Hakkai's lips.  And then, Sanzo is kissing Hakkai and Hakkai is being kissed and they are both drowning in this sea of emotion as Hakkai falls against the bed, Sanzo's body hot and wanton against his own.  And suddenly, it's the most natural thing in the world to strip one another of the needless, restricting clothes, and to press their lips to each others and run their hands over the other's body and they both cry out meaningless words as the bed gives its tell-tale creak and the two bodies are turning and tossing over each other until there's hoarse shouts, senseless bliss, the breathless, sweaty moments afterwards…and then there's nothing.

            Hakkai is breathing noisily, one arm resting across his eyes and the other across his abdomen as he takes deep breaths and attempts to regain control of his hot, raging body.  Sanzo is quieter, but is taking the same long, deep breaths as he lays flat on his back, his hands resting at his sides as he stares with wide eyes up at the ceiling.

            Sanzo waits for Hakkai to say Sanzo…I love you.

            Hakkai waits for Sanzo to roll over and leave.

            They wait.

            Until Sanzo gives a loud sigh and sits up, gazing reproachfully at Hakkai.  Hakkai's arm is still resting over his eyes and his body is tense, his breathing shallow.  But Sanzo, so observant and quick when it comes to anything but what's right before him, thinks Hakkai is sleeping.  And he makes an irritated che noise with his tongue and leaves.

            And Hakkai lifts his arm to allow the hot swelling of tears to flow from their confines and down the planes of his face as his heart aches and he realizes how tired he is.  So tired that everything hurts and he half-wishes he could fall asleep and never wake up again.

            Hakkai rolls over and clings to the pillow, clutching to tightly to his body even as he wishes it weren't a pillow but a person, and that in the aftermath of lovemaking, he didn't feel so completely alone.

_The taste of ink is getting old_

_It's four o' clock in the fucking morning_

_Each day gets more and more like the last day_

            A bitter metallic taste rests in Sanzo's mouth as he lies in his own bed, his body sore and the tired thoughts tumbling about in his aching mind becoming more and more repetitive with each memory and still, he gets no relief from them, grows no closer to any understanding of what this is and why it torments him.

//

            I make love to Hakkai every night.

            I love the taste of him.

            I love the feel of him.

            He loves me.

            Hakkai *loves* me.

            I love…no…I…

            He loves me.

            I…shit.

//

            Sanzo sighs as he turns on his side and slips his hand beneath the pillow, adjusting it slightly beneath his head.  Groaning, he buries his face into the sweet smelling linen and Sanzo is vaguely aware of his beating heart.

//

            Hakkai loves me.

            He loves *me*.

            Damn it…he *loves* me!

            Hakkai…

//

            And Sanzo is angered by the same thought that comes back to him again and again and the fact that he can make no sense of it.

//

            Why…

            Why would…

            Why would he ever…

            …love…

            …*me*?

//

            And Sanzo sits up and spits the sharp, bitterly metallic taste in his mouth onto the floor and the clock glares the time brilliantly at him.  And Sanzo falls back onto his bed, his body tired and his closed, but his mind racing as the bitter taste remains and his heart beating out the syllables of a name.

            Slowly, Sanzo's hand lifts to rest over his heart, willing it to cease its pounding.  And involuntarily, Sanzo finds his lips moving in rhythm to the beats of his heart:  Hak-kai.  Hak-kai.  Hakkaihakkaihakkaihakkaihakkai…

            Daybreak comes.

            And a groan flies from Sanzo's lips as another day begins.

_Still I can see it coming_

_While I'm standing in the river drowning_

_This could be my chance to break out_

_This could be my chance to say goodbye_

            "Oi.  Hakkai."  Hakkai looks up to see Gojyo leaning into the room, crimson strands falling into his eyes.

            "Yes?"  Hakkai smiles pleasantly and Gojyo's eyes narrow at the gesture.

            "Sanzo says we're pulling out soon," Gojyo informs him roughly, his eyes still focusing on Hakkai's smile.  "He said for me to tell you to get your things into the Jeep, we're leaving after lunch."

            "Oh.  All right then."  Hakkai's smile widens.  Gojyo lingers for a hesitant moment, shifting his weight around as he tries to decide whether or not to speak.  "Gojyo?  Is there something you need?"  Hakkai's smile fades a trifle as he inclines his head towards his friend.  "Gojyo!"

            Gojyo finally gives a loud sigh and walks towards Hakkai, his feet sounding loudly in the suddenly silent room.  His eyes meet Hakkai's and they are sad for his friend.  "Hakkai…please, don't go to Sanzo today."

            Hakkai stands still, his heart suddenly starting to beat irregularly and loudly.  "Oh?" he says, aware that his voice sounds forced and funny.  "Why not?  It's our *duty* to follow him, you know.  The jour-,"

            Gojyo's angry shout cuts into his shakily spoken words.  "Damn it I'm not TALKING about the fucking journey!  Sanzo and his three screwy floating heads can taken this journey and shove up their asses and fuck it till they're black and blue!"  He glares and Hakkai takes a step back awkwardly as Gojyo moves towards him.  He has never been frightened of Gojyo before…but he has never seen Gojyo angry like this before.

            Hakkai's mouth goes dry and his heart pounds harder.

            Gojyo gives a disgusted sound and turns only to pound his fists onto the wall, knocking the cheap picture hanging on it to the floor and sending vibrations through the room.  "Damn it Hakkai," he says, his pounding slowly ceasing.  "I saved you.  I brought you back to life.  I'm your goddamned best friend!  So *listen* to me."  He turns his head and Hakkai is startled to see dampness in crimson eyes.  Hakkai nods and without meaning to, nears Gojyo; close enough to touch if he chooses too.  He doesn't.

            "I don't know why I'm letting myself get into this," Gojyo begins quietly and calmly, his palms pressed flat against the wall and his crimson eyes stare straight ahead.  "I shouldn't.  I keep telling myself that I shouldn't.  And I still do.  I know I'm going to make a fool of myself, I know that you're only going to smile and nod at me.  And then *ignore* what I'm saying."  He laughs, a short bitter shaky chuckle.  "But I'm going to say this anyway.  Please, Hakkai…" And he turns to face Hakkai, his eyes solemn as they bore into Hakkai's and his voice low and pressing.  "Do not go to Sanzo.  Not today, not tonight or any other time after this.  He can't give you what you want and it's killing you.  And when you're dying, he dies too and when both of you have died…it ends.  There's no more journey, no more Gojyo-and-Goku-and-Sanzo-and-Hakkai.  There's nothing and all because he can't give you what you need and because you went to him – Hakkai!"

            And Hakkai is taking deep breaths that rattle in his chest and his eyes are closed although he smiles and he says between breaths, "Everything will be fine, Gojyo.  Do not worry.  Do not waste your concern on Sanzo and me.  Worry about yourself and worry about the end of this and worry about everything but Sanzo and me.  We will take care of ourselves."  Hakkai's eyes open and he smiles bravely at Gojyo.

            And tears flood Gojyo's eyes.

            "Hakkai," he whispers shakily, "I wish I could take it away.  I wish I could make it okay again and that I wouldn't be pushing my way into your business like this and that I didn't *have* to worry about it.  But I have and its *not* okay again and Hakkai, if you need somebody that badly *I* can be that someone, just don't let Sanzo hurt you like this anymore, Hakkai…" Gojyo is babbling now, the words race out tumbling over each other and he isn't fully aware of what he is saying as tears blur his vision; all's he knows is that Hakkai is best friend and he loves Hakkai and that he doesn't want Hakkai hurt and that he would do anything to stop life from changing.

            Hakkai understands.  Hakkai has always understood and always will.  And as Hakkai embraces his friend, tender shushing sounds emitting from his lips, Hakkai understands he has made a choice.  Gojyo has asked him to leave Sanzo and offered himself to be Sanzo's stead…and Hakkai has refused.

            Hakkai wants the confusion and heartache that Sanzo brings him?

            Hakkai's eyes soften at this thought and there is a funny little smile on his lips as Gojyo gently pushes him away, dashing the back of his hand across his eyes roughly and saying that there must be some dust floating around the room and gotten caught in his eye for it to be watering up like this.  Hakkai lets Gojyo have his little lie to salvage his ego and as he watches Gojyo awkwardly shuffle out of the room, he feels a cool breeze flow through the open window and ruffle his hair.

            Hakkai shivers and waits for the flood that pounds restlessly in his mind to break.

_At last it's finally over_

_Couldn't take this town much longer_

_Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be_

_Now I'm ready to be free_

            Sanzo is aware of Hakkai standing behind him.

            His body tenses and his hands automatically dive deep into his robes, fumbling desperately for a cigarette, his fan, his reading glasses, a newspaper – anything that will keep him from turning and reaching out for Hakkai.  Anything that will keep him from giving into the emotions that he can feel between him and Hakkai, lying thickly in the air, fairly pulsing with life and crackling with energy.  His hands come up with nothing save for lint and he brushes them together, the lint falling to the dirt at his feet.

            The sound of skin rubbing against skin is loud and strangely erotic in the midday silence and Sanzo's throat feels dry as he continues rubbing his hands, the warm sun beating down on him and warming his hair.  His hands rub quicker and the friction increases until his hands become slick with sweat and his shoulders are shaking as he presses his lips firmly together and tries not to speak, not to reach for Hakkai.

            He doesn't have to try.

            Hakkai reaches for him, Hakkai speaks for him.

            Cool dry hands close over Sanzo's hot damp ones and Hakkai's voice is a low murmur in his ear.  "Sanzo.  I…I have to tell you something."

            Sanzo's eyes close.  His tongue flicks out to draw nervously across his lips, a futile attempt to draw the moisture back into them.  The air buzzes in his ears as he waits for Hakkai to speak.

            "Sanzo, I love you."

            Sanzo's heart drops to the pit of his stomach.  This is not what Hakkai is supposed to say.  Hakkai is supposed to tell Sanzo that he's a no-good bastard, a rotten son of a bitch and that he's leaving him.  Not that he loves him.

            Hakkai loves Sanzo.

            Hakkai loves *him*.

            Sanzo takes a deep breath of air as though Hakkai has struck a fist to his abdomen rather than whisper softly in his ear and gasps loudly.  "Sanzo!"  Sanzo can feel the concern coming from Hakkai in frantic bursts and he takes another deep, loud breath, his eyes closing tighter.  He can feel Hakkai's hands on his face, cool dry hands framing the feature and then, a pair of light thumbs caressing his eyelids and gently coaxing them open.  Emerald meets violet and Sanzo scowls bitterly at him.

            "You weren't supposed to tell me that you loved me," he snaps at Hakkai, the unbearable clenching in his stomach clenching tighter and tighter.  A light sweat breaks out on Sanzo's forehead and he tears his eyes away, repeating in a softer and more solemn tone, "You weren't supposed to tell me that you loved me."  His eyes close again and he speaks in short, rapid breaths.  "You weren't supposed to love me at all."  His hands grip at the robes covering his abdomen as he feels the tightening.  "You weren't…it was supposed to be one time and I was supposed to be too drunk to remember and you were supposed to smile like always but I wasn't and you didn't and I came back and you were supposed to say no but you didn't and I came back again and…" Sanzo's voice trails off and he opens his eyes, casting an askance look at Hakkai.  Hakkai is standing there, watching him, listening to him.

            "Don't you have anything to say?" Sanzo spits out bitterly at him.  "Aren't you going to smile?  Aren't you going to do *something*!"  And he shouts the last bit, angry at Hakkai's lack of emotion, angry at his own weakness.

            The tense knot in his stomach eases a little.

            "I…" Hakkai is at a loss for words and his dark eyes are puzzled and slightly wounded.  "I don't know what you want me to say.  I just don't know."

            "Tell me Hakkai…" Sanzo's voice is bitter and cold and he brutally shoves the guilt away from him as he snaps, "for once, tell me what it is you want.  You're always so damn concerned about what *I* want you to say, what *I* want you to do.  Who the hell cares about *me*?  I don't and you shouldn't, you're the one who matters now so TELL ME, God damn you, what the hell you want!"

            Hakkai's jaw clenches.  His eyes blaze.  "What I want…the only thing I've ever wanted from you…is for you to say *yes*!  When I say, Sanzo I love you, and mean it with everything I have, I want to you to say *yes*, that you love me too!  When I touch you, I want you to say *yes*, that you want me back.  When I call your name, I want you to say *yes*, that you belong to me like I belong to you!  That's all I have ever wanted from you is your yes and you still refuse to give it to me, you refuse to give me anything!"  Hakkai shouts angrily at Sanzo, his slender hand curving into fists and for a brief moment, Sanzo thinks Hakkai might actually strike him.  His breath quickens and he lifts his gaze to meet Hakkai's.

            Hakkai is furious.  Livid.

            And he still loves Sanzo.

            Sanzo feels the loosening of the tight knot in stomach once more.

            "Then I'll give it to you," he says quietly, violet eyes gazing out into the distance.  The West.  His eyes have always fallen on the West.  A tiny smile begins.  He shifts his gaze a bit, and realizes with a start, that Hakkai also stands to the West.  The smile grows.  Hakkai looks startled.

            Of course.

            Hakkai loves him.

            Hakkai stands to the West.

            The future.

            "I give you my yes," Sanzo says and as Hakkai slowly reaches for him, Sanzo sits in the dust by the Jeep and buries his face in his hands as he both laughs and cries as the tight clenching disappears altogether and there is only Hakkai, Hakkai's arms around him and Hakkai's laughter and tears mixing with his own as their eyes turn towards the future.

_So here I am it's in my hands_

_And I'll savor every moment of this_

_So here I am alive at last_

_And I'll savor every moment of this_

            Soft gasps leave Sanzo's lips as Hakkai's hands travel down his sweat slicked body, fingers slipping in the sheen of sweat on his chest, the flat of a palm sliding across a wet abdomen, the warm length of a tongue following a slippery path to his aching need.  "Yes," Sanzo whispers and his hands fly out to tangle in Hakkai's thick chocolate strands.  "Hakkai…yes."

            Emerald eyes gleam in the moonlight as they look up to meet hooded violet.  There's a brief flash of teeth as Hakkai smiles.  Sanzo's breathing becomes the only sound in the room, uneven and ragged as he revels in Hakkai's smile.  A smile that Sanzo possessively calls *his* smile for it is a smile only seen in the darkness of their bedroom when Sanzo calls out his yes for Hakkai only to hear.  And it is a smile Hakkai only wishes to give Sanzo.  The smile lingers for a moment and then, it melts into the darkness of the night as Hakkai returns to what he has begun.

            And as the night wears on and as two young men tumble over one another, the heat in the room rising and the scent of love and lust and sex lying heavy to mingle in with the faint scent of incense, the only sound amid their labored breathing is Sanzo's soft cry of yes.

            The headboard scrapes against the wall, the mattress springs groan and sheets and pillows slip to the floor as the rhythm is established and a racing towards a climax begins.  Sanzo whispers yes beneath Hakkai, his eyes closing and his head falling back as the waves of passion tremor and course through his hot blood, his mind spinning and his voice leaving him as his lips continue desperately to form one word.

            And then, there's the hoarse shout as Sanzo finds his release, nearly sobbing in Hakkai's arms, "Yes…Hakkai, yes, yes."

            There's a soft groan that follows, the flood of heat that fills Sanzo and several soft sighs leaving the lovers as they settle themselves on the bed, their arms falling into place in a comforting circle around the other's body.  The mattress groans beneath them and one hand gropes for a monocle while another stumbles along the windowsill and shoves the unlocked window open.  The cool air rushes in and washes the room anew with its smell of a recent rain, damp dirt, and unfurling flowers.  The lovers lie quietly in their embrace, chests still rising and falling with their exertions.  The breeze ruffles their hair and caresses their skin.

            And Sanzo knows he is happy.

            "Sanzo…" Hakkai's eyes gleam once more in darkness, and his soft smile returns.  Sanzo arches an eyebrow as the pause in Hakkai's words lingers a moment too long and Hakkai laughs lightly, resting his head on Sanzo's shoulder as he whispers, "I love you."

            Sanzo is silent for a long moment and Hakkai begins to think he has fallen asleep.  Gently, he tries to pull away, but Sanzo's arms tighten around him and a fierce whisper breaks into the stillness of the night.  "Hakkai."

            "What is it?" Hakkai whispers back, his heart pounding and his fingers curving around Sanzo's.

            A long sigh escapes Sanzo's lips and he stumbles over his words, a far cry from the articulate monk that Hakkai knows and loves at almost any other time.  "I…I love being here like this.  With you.  I…I…I want to stay here with you as long as I can.  Hakkai, I…" And then, there is no sound as Sanzo struggles with the words.  He casts an eye to Hakkai as if asking for help, but Hakkai offers none, his smile gone and his eyes watching, waiting for Sanzo to speak.  He is beautiful like this and Sanzo sits up suddenly, cupping Hakkai's face with his hands and bringing his lips down to touch Hakkai's, gently at first and then rougher as the kiss deepens.

            "I love you," Sanzo says hoarsely, his forehead pressed against Hakkai's and violet eyes staring into emerald as his hands rest on Hakkai's shoulders.  There's a moment of silence and then Hakkai's lips curve into a smile.  Sanzo looks relieved and he sighs gently as he presses his lips to Hakkai's once more.

            And in the stillness of the night, Hakkai's promise whispers in his ear.

            "I will keep you here with me.  Forever, Sanzo.  *Forever*."

_As long as you're alive_

_Here I am_

I promise I will take you there

::END::


End file.
